So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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