You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
false alarm, still single
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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