I can text with my tongue
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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