im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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