Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
