____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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