Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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