Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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