How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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