apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
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You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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