I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
where does the pee come out of this thing
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
