i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the day after is always just damage control
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i drank out of a bidet.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
