Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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