Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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