ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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