Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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