Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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