No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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