I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
