I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize