You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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