I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
