Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
