I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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