Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize