In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
