I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
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