goodnight i made you a song goodbye
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize