why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize