and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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