Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
