I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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