i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
