I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You are the jesus of drinking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize