i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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