come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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