I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
time to smoke my breakfast
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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