Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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