i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
