And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
