You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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