I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
