yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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