just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship