overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.