you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...