So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning