imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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