I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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