there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
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At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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