she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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