I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
