This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
